Mentally Forgive Your Stakeholders: How To Communicate Feedback, According to Wes Kao
Co-founder Wes Kao talks about how to focus on good intentions when engaging in feedback conversations.
By Tremis Skeete, for Product Coalition
We are all aware of the term, “emotional intelligence”, for it’s a quality that many product leaders believe is key to building trust and establishing positive connections with colleagues and stakeholders.
To help in building your emotional intelligence, Maven co-founder, Wes Kao recommends an approach that can make the difference between having a productive feedback conversation with stakeholders, as opposed to a situation where everyone is just expressing themselves and venting.
In her LinkedIn post, Wes explains that while it’s essential to express yourself, the biggest objective to keep in mind is that it should be rooted in good intentions and positive energy.
This is because, if your intentions are rooted in anything less, even unintentionally — the way you present yourself and deliver feedback via your words, tone, and body language will reflect otherwise.
You also don’t want to wait until a situation reaches critical mass before you have a feedback conversation, so Wes recommends the following in the Linked post comments, where she says:
“Ideally you don’t let an issue fester in the first place. But [sometimes] it happens, so in my opinion, it’s useful to have approaches on how to handle.
Speak up early/often, and if you find yourself in a situation where you have let it build up, try to get your frustration out before talking to the person.
I use this approach even when I share feedback immediately in the moment. I check in and ask myself what is likely to change the person’s behavior, and focus on sharing that.
Another important point to keep in mind, is to remember that feedback conversations are less about expressing yourself. This is one of the reasons why Wes explains in the comments that to give feedback is about engaging in a sales oriented conversation, as she says:
When someone says they are open to feedback, it does not mean you should share all of your frustrations.
Contrary to popular belief, this is not your chance to express how you feel.
A feedback conversation is actually a sales conversation. To empathize with what matters to them. Then craft your message around that.
It’s a chance to understand what is most likely to motivate the specific person you’re speaking with.
In other words, it’s an opportunity for behavior change.
Hopefully with Wes’ advice, any professional can engage in conversations, no matter how difficult they may appear to be, and succeed in generating meaningful connections and outcomes that benefit everyone.
Read a copy of Wes’ LinkedIn post below to learn more:
When you’re giving feedback, it’s tempting to unload your frustrations onto your recipient. If you’ve ever wondered, “Should I say this? Will this hurt or help?”, do this:
Before your next conversation, mentally forgive the person.
Why? Feedback conversations usually happen when you’re at a breaking point. Conflict is uncomfortable, so it’s normal to avoid it and tell yourself “this isn’t that bad” or “oh it’s not a big deal.” You finally decide to speak up when you can’t hold it in anymore.
If you are brimming with resentment, it can easily boil over. It won’t take much to throw you off… A passive-aggressive comment, a raised eyebrow, a tiny smirk. Don’t let that derail what could otherwise be a productive conversation.
That’s why you must get the emotion out of your system before you walk into the room.
Do what it takes so when you go into the actual conversation, you bring a positive (or at least neutral) energy. Talk to your spouse, therapist, or trusted friend. Come to terms with and forgive them for any hardship they may have caused you.
The energy you bring will set the tone for the conversation. If you’re jumpy and impatient, they’ll feel it. If you’re calm and stable, they’ll feel that too. Your recipient will be much more likely to hear you when they can feel your good intent. So bathe in your good intent, so it comes through in your body language, facial expressions, content, and tone of voice.
